The world of fostering can bring different challenges, emotions and hurdles, but that’s what makes it so amazing. This isn’t any different for the foster children that are bought into your care. All children are different and come from all walks of life and naturally, moving into a new environment may be difficult for them. However, this can be slightly more complex if your foster children are introverted by nature. This doesn’t mean anything is wrong, it simply means it may take a little longer to build a bond.
If you care for a quiet, introverted young person, we’ve got to get your relationship-building rolling and may help you to support them. You naturally may have a lot of questions, but we’ve got you covered.
Being introverted does not make them aloof
Some foster children may exclude themselves because of their past experiences and the prospect of forming an attachment can be daunting to them. Even though it’s easier said than done, you have to realise that it isn’t you doing something wrong as a foster carer. You have to be aware of where your foster children have come from and the experiences they’ve had to lead them up to this point. If they’ve often been let down by adults, their bedroom may be a safe haven for them, as it should be. Naturally, this sanctuary may feel more solid than promises made by ‘new’ people in their lives. However, remain calm and always remember this is a temporary settling in period.
If you pay particular attention to the importance of sensitivity of your foster children’s feelings, you are in a better position to manage them. By tuning into what young people might be feeling, a foster parent can start to understand introvert behaviour and offer the right support.
It may not be fun for them
You may have planned a really fun day out or a relaxing evening of board games with your foster children as a means to build a relationship. That’s great stuff – however, your foster children may be reluctant to join in and try something new. Naturally, you may feel deflated but that doesn’t mean they’re no fun.
You may have to think about why they are not finding it fun or reluctant to participate. They may have had previous experiences whereby they were punished or abused for ‘failures’ at tasks and activities so sticking to their comfort zone and not getting involved makes sense. The lack of participation doesn’t always mean they don’t care or show a lack of ability. Be patient, be encouraging and give your foster children the best chance to explore how they may want to join in.
Being introverted may not last
Naturally, some foster children are introverted by nature and this is part of their character but sometimes it can be down to a sudden change of environment and this is something to be aware of. As a foster parent, you don’t have to wait for them to come out of their shell. You should always take opportunities to establish and build trust whenever you can. When you foster, preparation and regimes are ideal to get your relationship off to the best start. However, making the most of the times where your foster children are reaching out may allow some room for bending the rules. For example, if your foster children are more interested in reading a book or playing with some toys with you rather than going to bed, maybe take the opportunity to share some bonding time that can benefit your relationship in the long run.
Introverted foster children are not robots
The one thing to always keep in mind is that every child is different. A perceived lack of emotion may not tell the whole story – they simply may not have experienced an environment that has helped them to express their feelings or understand them. If this is the case, all you can do is be there for them. Reassure them and let them know at every step that they’re a member of your family and know that they belong with you. The more comfortable your foster children feel, the more likely they will be about expressing their emotions.
Appreciate the circumstances
When involving any foster children into your lives, consider that you may have to manage expectations. Just because social situations and parties may be fun for you, this may not necessarily be the same for your foster children. You don’t need to ‘fix’ introverted young people by continuously trying to keep them occupied or frequently trying to place them in social situations. Sometimes, it is good to have some alone time and give them a chance to wind down and really digest their new surroundings. The best advice we can give you at Fostering Dimensions is to always be available for when they need you but recognise the value of space and independence.