Christmas can be a difficult time for foster children and their families. Considered by many people as the happiest time of year, for children in foster care, it can bring up emotions and memories that make the festive period very difficult. There are many things to consider around Christmas when fostering a child, they may have had a different experience of Christmas, or may not even celebrate it at all. Sometimes, you have to ask questions but we’ve put these simple steps together that will help you make the festive season a happy time for everyone in your home.
Communicating as a Foster Carer
As Christmas approaches, it is important to communicate with your foster child about the festive season. Independent fostering agencies like Fostering Dimensions help you to under that your foster child may have never heard of or celebrated Christmas so sharing your experiences of Christmas and being open about your traditions will help them understand what it’s like to be part of your family during the festive season. When opening a clear communication with your foster child it is important you make it clear that they can trust you and speak honestly about their feelings towards the festive season. Ask your child about their past Christmases in foster care and what they liked and didn’t like about their experiences.
Respecting Your Child
If your child has different feelings about Christmas than you, it is important to respect this. It is good to encourage them to join in with your festivities to make them feel welcome,but don’t force them or make them feel pressured into celebrating Christmas the same way as you. Let them know that their Christmas celebrations can be incorporated with yours, or you could start a new tradition together.
Preparing for Behavioural Changes
For many children in foster care, Christmas can trigger memories and feelings from negative and painful past experiences. It is important to understand that this can cause behavioural changes. They may feel emotional, thinking about their family who they may not be able to see or even worrying about the welfare of their parents or siblings at this time of year. Some children may have experienced loss at Christmas time, causing them to associate the festive season with pain and suffering. It is important to deal with their changing behaviours by communicating with them and being sensitive to their feelings. Explain that your home is a safe space for them and try and think of ways you could celebrate Christmas that may help them feel better.
Considering Religion in Foster Care
One of the most common issues for those fostering at Christmas is differing religious beliefs. Common beliefs that LGBT foster carers face is that they have different backgrounds to other foster carers and that is fine. If we take this concept and apply it to your foster children, your child may have brought up in a faith that does not celebrate the Christian holiday. As the foster carer, it is up to you to make compromises to ensure your Christmas is inclusive and respectful of your foster child’s religion. If your family does not celebrate the Christian holiday and your foster child does, try and introduce elements of your religion to your child so you can celebrate both faiths at this time of year.
Maintaining a Routine in Foster Care
Children need a routine to make them feel like they are in a safe, stable environment. Christmas is a time that can throw all routines out the window, this is something your child may not be used to. It is important to try and maintain their routines where possible and if routines are about to change, make sure they are aware beforehand and feel prepared for this. Why not create a Christmas calendar, detailing all the festive plans you have so that you can prepare them as much as possible. Ask them how they feel about the changes and if there is anything that they do not feel happy about. There may be something that they want to do, adding this to the calendar lets them know it is important to you both and that they are a priority. This could be something as small as watching a film one afternoon or playing a game they enjoy.
Involving Your Foster Child in the Christmas Preparations
Taking your foster child shopping for all your Christmas food may seem like a small thing, but it can make a big difference to them. Your child may not have celebrated Christmas in foster care before, this prepares them for your family’s traditions. It also gives them the opportunity to tell you what they usually eat, what they like and don’t like and what they have never tried before. This is a small gesture that can really make them feel involved and part of the family. You can even continue this by getting them to help you prepare the food.
Preparing Your Foster Child for Visitors
Christmastime can be busy for many families, visiting dozens of people they haven’t seen in a long time. For a child in foster care, visitors can be overwhelming for them. Until you know your foster child well enough, it is best to limit visitors to a limited number so they feel comfortable. If you are having visitors, showing them pictures of who they are and how they are related to you can give them an idea of what Christmas will be like and allow them to prepare. The more they know about the visitors, the more they will be able to relax around them.
Being Responsible with Alcohol
Many children in foster care may have witnessed the misuse of drugs and alcohol. This can trigger anxieties in them, bringing back memories of negative experiences. It is important to make them aware of people will be drinking in your home around the festive period. If there is alcohol, ensure that it is consumed in a responsible and respectful manner. For some cases, indulging in a drink over the festive period should be avoided altogether or at least until your child has gone to bed.
Inclusive Gift-Giving
Many children may not have experienced gift-giving at Christmas. Make sure you prepare them for this as they may feel uncomfortable receiving gifts. If you have other children, make sure that they all receive an equal amount of gifts. This will make your foster child feel equal to them and welcome them into the family. Buy your foster child a gift that shows them you care, in the same way, you would for your birth children.
Foster Care – Time to Talk
Talk to your foster child’s social worker to get an insight on any of the points mentioned above or any other questions you may have. They can give you the best advice on how your child has celebrated Christmas before and the best ways for you to approach the festive season with them.
Christmas can bring a whole host of new challenges when fostering. At Fostering Dimensions Nottingham, we’re here to help you every step of the way.