Today, we’re exploring a different avenue when it comes to Fostering in Nottingham. Sometimes, we feel it can be easy to generalise or broad-brush fostering as a whole. This can be down to several reasons such as limited research and resources available or foster parents who do not share their experiences or it can simply come down to misinterpretation. We’ve explored how a number of foster parents feel day to day and what they wished other people knew when working with independent fostering agencies.
‘Fostering in Nottingham doesn’t make you a saint’
When fostering in Nottingham, foster parents do it because it needs doing. Now, that’s not as simple as it may seem. Foster parents love kids, otherwise, they wouldn’t become foster carers, but this can be down to a number of reasons. Some foster parents hope to extend their families, some do it because they can’t have children themselves, or simply down to the fact they enjoy the company of children. Other reasons can differ because some foster parents may have grown up around formal or informal fostering – but the core thing to remember is that everyone fosters for different reasons. Because they love it and/or they love the kids and they are the lucky ones. The reason why they don’t see themselves as saints is that they believe they’re doing something really ordinary and normal and that’s simply taking care of kids in need. The idea of sainthood makes it impossible for ordinary people to do this – and the truth is the world needs more ordinary, human foster parents.
Kids hear everything
This cannot be emphasised enough. Naturally, people may be curious as to how you came about fostering in Nottingham, but foster parents are continuously shocked by the things people will ask in the presence of children, especially foster children. ‘Are you going to adopt them?’, ‘What’s wrong with their parents’ or ‘Well, they’re not your real kids are they’ are quite common and very frequent things that children have to overhear. Even if the children were not present, foster parents are not allowed to disclose private information anyway so please be mindful of conversations even if they are deemed as innocent.
Your foster children are not the same as their birth parents
This one might sound harsh, but what we mean by this is that don’t be surprised when your foster children are nice, smart, loving, well-behaved children. One assumption when fostering in Nottingham is that foster children are flawed and/or follow in the footsteps of their birthing parents. The truth of the matter is that kids in foster care have endured a lot of trauma and sometimes, that comes with behavioural changes naturally. This is when you have to step back and think, why? They need the love and support a foster carer gives and it’s as simple as that.
In the same breath – don’t hate their parents
It’s easy to feel frustrated or a variety of emotions for that fact and we appreciate this, but this should never be shown or vocalised in front of your foster children. It’s hard to see sometimes, but they didn’t choose the life they lead easily and a lot of them can do better with help and support. But it’s important to remember that even if the can’t, it doesn’t make things better or easier if you’re judging. If anything, this just stops the relationship from being built.
Foster children can be grateful, but you can’t expect them to be
Sometimes, it’s really hard to put yourself in the shoes of your foster children. They are now in a life they are new to and were taken away from everything they knew, leaving behind parents, siblings, pets etc. The most important thing to remember is that no-one ever asked them whether they wanted to come into care. Naturally, it’s okay to feel a complexity of emotions but don’t assume your foster children aren’t feeling themselves.
You don’t have to be a foster parent to help support kids and families
If you’re considering fostering in Nottingham, this is great – you can get in contact today. But, we also appreciate you may not be at this stage yet but there are others way you can help.
You can:
- Help foster parents as you would if they had a newborn baby: Even a small gesture like helping to cook or help with the other kids can go a long way
- Offer up your children’s outgrown things: Even though you get an allowance when fostering in Nottingham, it may not stretch very far. Any un-used things like clothes and toys can mean more than you realise.
- Offer to babysit: Foster parents have lives too and may have to attend meetings and training, so they would definitely appreciate the help.
- Be an honorary family member: If you have a family member who is fostering, their foster kids could benefit from having you in their lives too. Remember, they could be leaving behind their grandparents, siblings and aunts and uncles.